Greetings, friends💕 I am excited & a little jittery as I write this inaugural blog post- this journey as a small business has been one of the most intimidating & challenging undertakings...but as they say, the best things in life don't come easy! I've been procrastinating & stewing on what to say in a post for some time, but rather than continuing to put it off for fear of "not getting it perfect," I've decided to just plow on forward & write whatever comes through🙂
Part 1: Childhood Impressions
I was blessed with a mother who worked to cultivate a strong basis of creativity & imagination in me from a very young age. Rather than the toys, books, songs or cartoons popular for children at the time- Teletubbies, Barney, Rugrats etc- baby Monica mostly subsisted on a media diet of obscurity. From music videos by my mom's favorite goth bands, to Soviet-animated Shakespeare plays (literally just learned this😅) I watched some pretty strange things.
One of my favorites age 3-4 : The Bubblemen - Love & Rockets
An animated adaptation of twelve of Shakespeare's best-known plays. The series was produced by S4C for the BBC, but animated by some of the foremost artists of Soyuzmultfilm, the former Soviet Union's main animation studio. Each 26-minute play is directed by a different animator, in a wide variety of styles: cel animation for Macbeth, stop-motion puppets in Twelfth Night, and paint on glass for Hamlet.
My uncle introduced me to Studio Ghibli when I was 4 via the spectacular film, "Princess Mononoke". I was absolutely too young for this one- the visceral imagery & disturbing undertones convey profound themes of humanity's relationship with nature in a striking way for the mature viewer...but as a small child? It left its mark in many ways! Nevertheless this remains one of my all-time favorite movies to this day, along with "Spirited Away".
Thanks to my parents' eclectic tastes I grew up listening to a wide array of musical genres from classical to new age, 80's goth/new wave, classic rock, punk, grunge, jazz...Bach, Chopin, Enya, Deep Forest, Cocteau Twins, The Smiths, Jimi Hendrix, The Eagles, Nirvana, Billie Holiday & Louis Armstrong come to mind, but that's just to name a few!
Another of my favorites, age 5: Pure Moods album 1994
But perhaps most affectingly, I recall the books. My mother would read me the most beautiful books. Those illustrated by Kinuko Craft were by far my favorite, and I would pour over the pages of her art with eyes wide as saucers. Before I even learned to speak, I was captivated by the beautiful imagery. And after learning how to read, my little mind could not always consciously comprehend the kind of messages in some of these books, but I believe they stayed with me through the years & imparted great meaning in my life: messages of love, of redemption, of strength & resilience- of magic, of beauty, and nature...
A board of my favorite picture books as a young child:
It was in rediscovering how powerfully these books shaped the person I am today, that I realized my calling in this life. It feels strange to "announce" this when I don't actually intend to begin pursuit for another year or so, but: my ultimate desire for an art career is to write & illustrate children's books. This revelation came to me after a beautiful weekend during which I felt more deeply connected to a very high frequency than ever before…
Part 2: Career Revelation!
Over the course of my maturation, I've moved from the view of "staunch atheist resentful of organized religion" toward a broader understanding of the Universe. I've come to believe that there is truth & value to be found in all major religions, though I still stand firm on the dangers of concentrated power & control... But my point is- I am no longer an atheist, & have embraced a form of spirituality that leaves space for learning from all cultures & mythologies. I believe in the infinite mysteries of ancient civilizations & modern times alike. I believe in universal intelligence- "source frequency" - God - though perhaps not in the sense of a man in the sky. In my atheistic phase, I also scoffed at the woo-woo, unwashed hippie types with their talk of crystals & chakras & "energy". But I believe in everything now!
This is all to say that I think- like my past close-minded self, that as a species we have perhaps become too confident in what we think we know. Our rapid advancement in the realms of science & technology within the past few generations, our molding by the hands of the powerful in our education & media- the dumbing down of our senses- I think for these reasons & more, we've ventured astray into hubris & isolation as a society. We've become less connected to the land, to each other, to that powerful frequency whatever-you-wanna-call-it— and in doing so have closed ourselves off to our true nature, & mysteries/magic of the Universe.
Since you're here, I'm guessing the theme of these thoughts is not new to you, and thankfully I believe there is something of an awakening at hand:) We can observe a rise in trends of eco-consciousness, more healthful eating, practices like yoga & meditation, & an influx of visitors to our National Parks etc. However, the collective concern for our future remains, & as we well know...there are reasons aplenty for fear.
The antidote to fear is love. When starting a business, one must ask themselves: "What do people need, or what problems do they have that I might solve?” And in the 6 months since I started, I didn't have a clear answer for that. “Uhhh…Art…? Beauty? Escape from this circus that is modern life…?” It took months of ups & downs to get to a place where I finally felt it click: Love. God. Hope. Belief in the Universe. Belief in themselves. Belief in knowing that we are energetic beings capable of connecting to one another and to nature and tapping into that whatever-you-wanna-call-it frequency to manifest the lives of our dreams! This- this is the kind of energy that people need. “But how can I provide this to people through my business?” I wondered.
Another question one must ask when starting a business: “Who is my target audience?” This one also stumped me. I’ve made so much stuff, in so many different mediums, and for different kinds of people… I spent months frustrated by the prospect of needing to choose just one lane & one demographic to cater to, because limiting myself in that way just didn’t sit right. I knew the kind of messages & values I wanted to convey, but didn’t see a clear channel that would tick all the business boxes and leave me feeling fulfilled. So I just kinda kept plowing forward without really choosing or knowing what I was doing, or who for.
Paralleling the journey of starting my business was my self-development. I’ve always been a bit over-the-top with personal transformations & reflection, and there are many rambling journal entries of attempted self-therapy (about as long-winded as this blog post) collecting dust in the corner. I won’t go into it too much, but in 2021 I had a traumatic experience involving miscarriage. Among other things this triggered a slew of looming woes over the future, & my conflict between wishing for a family/existential dread for the future of children. I’m very proud of my healing since, but began to notice similar fears plaguing others my age. I saw a lot of posts from my peers declaring their refusal to bring new life into this chaotic reality on moral grounds. I saw widespread concern for young generations growing up in this unprecedented digital age, in a society whose values so often don't reflect the best that our species could be…
All this & more brewed in my subconscious. I continued puttering away & desperately grasping for spiritual enlightenment. (I’m still grasping at it, but maybe less desperately:) Then one beautiful weekend, after many hours spent enveloped in the purest of frequencies with those I love- it came to me. Overwhelmingly, and all at once. Unable to sleep with the force of this transmission, in the early hours of the morning I feverishly wrote it all down.
Between all demographics, whether or not an individual chooses to pursue the family path - the common ground we share is the future of humanity: our children. And what better way for me to personally address the problem of this universal fear for the children, for the future- than to illustrate & write books channeling beautiful, meaningful messages of the purest frequency? How better to convey all the concepts brewing in my soul to as broad an audience as possible, in a way that is consumable for everyone? Thus all the memories of those incredible books from my childhood came flooding back. Simple, powerful words - beautiful, evocative imagery. The kind of content that subtly embeds itself in one's psyche.
Other memories too, came flooding back: how I've always loved art & literature -in school English & Art were forever my favorite subjects. I excelled in them with much praise from my teachers. In high school I volunteered working on the Art & Literary magazine, & went on to pursue a paid editorial position for the magazine at my college as one of my first jobs. My very first job was babysitting, for which my experience helping raise & care for my baby sisters qualified me. All these snippets of the past suddenly seemed to illustrate the clearest picture! Of course my first work experiences would come full circle to this ultimate career path! And of course I needed to have all those years of other experiences, good & bad, in order to arrive at this moment of beautiful synchronous realization...
The elation of these thoughts, at 4am, propelled me into a state unlike any I'd experienced before: like fitting a long lost puzzle piece into place. I'd been meandering through this business process rather aimlessly in my soul, but now...now I felt a clear life path materializing before me. Whether or not I one day decide to raise a child of my own, I can still impart beautiful values to others. I saw myself years in the future traveling the country to promote my books, reading to groups of children in libraries, and drawing on my waitressing experience to charm the parents into buying😉
I felt the pure joy in knowing that if my books positively impacted even one child, I could die happy - while also embracing the beautiful, endless possibilities of potentially affecting more than one. Maybe I could create them in such a way that they needn't be marketed only toward children - perhaps I could get these messages out to those of all ages, perhaps even achieve a global reach! The possibilities truly seem endless.
I am so eternally grateful for every moment of my life that has lead me here. Grateful to every person who has had faith in me when I did not. So grateful to the Universe, in its mysterious ways, for blessing & guiding me to this ultimate purpose, & grateful to myself for staying the course even when life gets hard, or hope seems lost...
At the moment I am lovingly tucking this dream into a precious corner of my being, & taking notes as I go along. There is much work to be done in furthering my business, but the primary goal is to downsize my supplies/belongings & save up for a van. My current timeline is to spend 1 year working to amass the funds to begin living my dream life in a modified van, at which point I will have used up all the many miscellaneous "future art projects" stockpiled in my rental home...& set off with a sketch pad to begin my illustrated book journey while traveling all the beautiful lands this country has to offer. Before making this plan, it occurred to me that the only reason I was able to receive this incredible transmission from the future was because I had managed to truly immerse myself in the frequencies of purest love & joy. While I fully intend to continue pursuing that feeling every day that I'm alive, one must acknowledge the realities of day-to-day life which threaten to interfere. I asked myself, "What can I do to maximize the likelihood of achieving that high vibration every day? What brings me the most unfettered joy?" and my answers were simple. 1) Being with those I love. And 2) Freedom - which is to say not being beholden to any job, situation, landlord, or place that might impede upon that feeling. Freedom to adventure every day has long been a dream I'd kept reserved for some vague, uncertain point in the future such as "when I have enough money," "when the pandemic is over" or "when the economy improves." But I'm done waiting for the right time to live in a way that makes my heart sing. We only get one shot at life, and time is precious. So why waste a single moment, when bigger miracles have happened than you carving out the time & vision to make your dreams come true?
This has been a far longer post than I'd intended, but if you made it this far- thank you for joining me❤️ I pray you find some inspiration here to perhaps assess what areas of your life you might adjust so as to maximize high-frequency potential for yourself:)
Sending love to you through time & space,
If this goal of mine resonates with you, & you have a few dollars to spare toward that dream - the donation platform Ko-fi does not take a percentage. Each $3 contribution goes straight to me, & for the price of a coffee (or custom amount) you can directly help fund my immediate goals of vanlife -> writer/illustrator with my deepest gratitude💕 Thank you!!